symPATHETICally contagious

I am dying to write this but wanting no one to read it. Hopeless, uh? I just want to let loose of the disappointment plus, er, pain. Writing it down, I know, will help a lot.

Comparing yourself to anyone on earth is never a good thing. I believe that everyone is distinct to anyone else. People have different character, attitude, way of thinking, and even experiences, just like the lines God have drawn to our palms.  We all have one common denominator, our uniqueness.

I am a person who thinks this way. I believe that I am different to anybody else. I don’t claim being extraordinary in a special way, it is just that I am, er, weird. Ever since, I know I am like no other kid. I think and act different from the rest of the crowd, maybe that’s why people don’t always like me. Not doing the usual stuff, not wearing the trend, not believing what others believe in, that is me, not going with the flow, instead going against the current. I don’t try hard to be stubborn, and I don’t do it just to be cool. I just don’t let other people influence me on how I will think, act, and react.

So in everything I do, I always try hard to give my best, not to impress, but for I won’t regret not doing the best that I could. That is the point, when people give their best; they tend to expect what to receive. Well, I did. That is the problem, I expected a lot. Ugh. I wonder, what’s wrong with expectation, uh? I just did not expect a thing from marvel; I worked hard to earn it. I did not wait for the fruit to fall into my hands; I had wounds in climbing the tree. I gave my best and I got less. Actually, I don’t know what has hurt me, my over-the-head-expectation I didn’t get [ugh. I was not asking for too much, just enough to what I deserve. Duh?] Or the cruelty of unfairness. Maybe, both, I am hurt, I can’t think straight.

I don’t say I deserve it more than anyone else. I deserve it over any other thing. I may not be better than any one but I am certain that I tried to be the best.. of me. Still, I am thinking if my efforts were wasted, of course not. Getting it, maybe, was my priority and objective but having done something good because of it was the best consolation. ‘Tis maybe funny but I think the line, ‘I did my best but I guess my best wasn’t good enough,’ best suits my feelings at the moment.

 I may not get what I wanted, God knows perfectly what best means, and He will give it to me, soon.

Tears won’t stop kissing my cheeks.

Cry, sleep and smile. Don’t forget to show the cute dimples.

God bless our weary hearts!

Be proud!

At last, Presentation of our reports was done. Honestly, we thought we were going to die in anxiety. I have been through a lot of presentations in school but I am still not used to stage nor the spot light. I feel like I am running out of breath, and blood, and sense.  As expected, stuttering was inevitable. Sir Rei even told me to calm. What could I do, that is so normal and could not be stopped, unless the presentation itself would be stopped. Ha!

We were the first to present after lunch break. That was pretty long but shorter than expected. Mari and I entertained the bosses’ suggestions and comments on our research, and some of our colleagues’. We planned to revise it tomorrow because it should be done by Friday. Our last day of internship, hopefully. Not that we do not like here in ISACC, it is just that we are staying for so long. More than two months of  internship is not a joke. Ha! Though, I should say, it was a long and fun experience.

Debriefing and distribution of evaluation forms (Ugh. My ears are so tired of the sound of evaluation forms. Ha!) pool party and thanks giving and everything nice will be on Friday.

Whatever happened today, I am totally proud. Whatever happened these last two months is a chapter that should not be in the vein of  Elias at Salome chapter in Noli Me Tangere (Ha! Am I right?.)

I will miss everything about this internship, my punctuality (Ha! this should be included!), sluggish laptop, freezing point temperature of our office, having lunch altogether, happiness in between work hours, staying so late for kizuna time, friends-slash-colleagues, bosses-slash-mentors and the feeling of being a student-slash-working-without-pay-girl (A privilege, remember.)

Sayonara ISACC. See you on Friday Friday. Ha!

Be the best. Be gentle. Quit being mean. But I can not, so you, quit it.

God bless our emotional hearts!

Encore

They want more of us. They want us to do things one more time. Don’t they want us to leave? Maybe, not for now.

I stayed in office for only five hours. The shortest working hours I have ever spent in office, technically. I have been busy in the morning and still, I made it appoint to come to office .. for nothing. I kind of regret going but God has a reason. We have enjoyed some other stuff.

We asked the bosses about the reports but they were still working on it. Nobody knows until when will work on it. They are busy, we understand. It is expected that we will work on it in the weekend. We need to do everything before Monday. The bosses want us to submit the revised paper on that day. We have no power to refuse to comply and they have. Er, inequality of rights, how come on earth?

Well, we already have received the checked and noted paper. I can’t say if it needs minor and less major revisions, e. Maybe minor, if I will consider the remarks of the bosses and the people they connived with just to give comments. You will not, not smile if you read them yourself. Well, it’s my honor to share with you the hackneyed still, funny ‘reviews’ of great people:

MAGALING!!!!! –bob ong

Excellent!!! –jk rowling

“Pwedeng-pwede na.” –jessica zafra

Loving and gracious is the Lord who is helping us move across from tests. And He is more on Tuesday. God bless Tuesday! Do not take a bath and not talk about mythical creatures to be sure.

You can’t see both angles at the same time.

Someday your crush will crush you back. Aw-or-Ouch.

Give it up to the ‘Quote Master’

Revision day today, right? So where’s the paper to be revised? Ugh. Bosses are sometimes envious to the interns. They don’t meet deadlines, too. Ha! Well, they have the reasons, they are busy, doing things aside from supervising us. They told us they are not yet done checking our papers (Test papers? As if. Ha!).

Instead of revision, the day turned out to be late-and-full-of-regrets lecture-slash-consultation with Sir Lemuel. (Aw. I will miss calling him that name in here, because I never dare call him that in flesh.)

He told us his immediate feed back on our reports. Well, we expected that we have flaws in it. We kind of not perfected it. Ha! Uhm, it was very obvious that we had quantitative theses in school that we missed recalling our qualitative course. We had different format of matrices from them. It may not be right but that is what we grew up with. We are not refuting any one’s teaching, what important is, we are learning.

When everything is going in circles, I asked the boss what they want us to do, like give us definite direction. He didn’t answer straightforward, instead he returned the question by asking we were happy with it. Neither we answered him unswervingly. Admit it or not, we are to please their eyes. But they said not to depend our happiness on others, particularly on them. I was not convinced so I said that ‘whatever your happiness is our happiness,’ not in a cheesy way. Nothing helped him blurt his happiness out.

Every time we talk to Sir Lemuel, he never missed to share some quotes. If everything he says is based from quotes and is considered as ‘some,’ then call it some. One quote that made me relate his advice to our report is: (it is not accurate like how he said it) ‘You don’t need to say it in thousand words if you can say it in a word.’ I can’t even remember the person who really said it. However, he wants us to shorten our report. He thought it was pretty long. Aye, Aye, Captain! He also wants us to put quotation marks on our narratives. In any classification, he really deserves to be called as the ‘Quote Master.’

Writing is easier than doing the findings.

Ice cream for temperamental! Thanks to that cold-almost-frozen cream. Sundae, I love you~

Deadline gives me a flat line

I don’t know why deadlines take my breath away. Ha! Not the way, you think. We know we could make it because we were already done, we just did some minor details. But gawd, with a laptop like that, it would make you dead nervous, you wait way longer than the time it works. It made me more paranoid, I thought I would forget to breathe while waiting.

Today is intended for submission of reports. My partner, Mari was so bright to stay at home today, not to leave me behind but to be productive. At least at home, she has a desktop. Y’know the laptop scarcity in office, right? Ha!

We always divide our tasks, we worked individually the merge our outputs. What we had earlier was one of our few collaboration. I mean, we worked together at the same time in different places. Cool.

I cleaned our data and did the finishing touches. We sent our report just in time. It is a good feeling to be able to meet the deadline.

Listen sounds like risen, isn’t it? Samayou _k_n_shi~

Make your friends blush:)

Deadline is creepier than ever*

Can you believe that I became an IT consultant of ISACC this morning? Ha! I don’t kid here, people. Ha! Sir Pao called up to ask for help on ISACC’s website. (Gawd, I can’t stop the smile drawing on my face.) He was not aware that he got the wrong person for the job. Tss. I wanted to tell him straight on the line that I am not an expert, but it was wordpress (thank God, it was not fb), so I went upstairs to help out. He was encountering a problem I have encountered before. Pretty little loser, I had no answer for that. Though, I told him stuff that, I thought, could help him. And when I was nearly bursting out of tension and pressure (not that he was harassing my brain cells, it is just that I am ashamed that I was no source of help. I was not obliged to solve the problem but I thought I was. Ha!), I suggested that they call the real consultant. Ha! Whatever.

Anyway, we finished Chapter five today. The summary of findings, conclusion, recommendation and implication. Gawd, it was pretty troublesome. Final papers really are pesky. We needed to finish it, no matter what, because the bosses gave us the final schedule: 29th- submission of reports; 30th- final revision; 31st- presentation, debriefing, submission of reflection paper, farewell party:)

This can never be moved because we have no spare time. Gosh, they said they can’t give us our evaluation forms on time. Say what, Sir?

Laugh with the bosses and be prepared to be shock.

God bless your secrets, sweet people!

Lost and found

We were already done with the Interpretation of the three seminars and so, we should be heading to ‘Chapter five’ (thesis’ jargon?.) When we were about to start, naturally, I referred to our objectives. It is the starting point, the basis of chapter five. I read it and realized that we lost track from our objectives. Doing the right thing doesn’t mean you are on the right track. What we did was not wrong, it just focused on one side. Then we realized what we should be doing. Division of labor was, again, laid. I did Objective 1 and Mari, Objective 3. We shared the pain on Objectives 2 and 4. Actually, we are already doing Chapter five. Hurrah!

We asked Ms. Shane what shall be the content of Chapter five. Just like thesis or what? They might have a different format. With what Ms. Shane has said, this is what I understand and interpret from her words: Summary, Conclusion, Implication to ISACC, and Recommendation intends for the training itself.

Then I started doing Chapter five, I interpreted the demogs of the three seminars, changes in AKA of Foursquare, areas of improvement of the three seminars. Summary of findings is having its light. Ha!

Making things right starts from realizing that they were wrong.

Someday you will find the reasons behind why’s.